Lost and confused: That stage in life 6


One of the best things I have loved about myself was the ability to bring a smile to anyone who had welcomed me with the same. This attribute might have gifted to me in the God I trust in or the scientific explanation of having inherited it from my loving parents. Either ways, all i knew was that it was difficult for me to hate someone or something. To be with people, make them happy and just experience the warmth and inner joy what this affection can offer, is something I would love doing all my life.

Travelling all the way from India to Ireland at young age of 18 to live a life all by myself was not easy. Never before till then, have I stayed away from a familiar social circle. New friends, new people, a place where even the gloomy days made my homesickness worse was all part of that stage in life where I was learning to be independent. There was no-one there to listen to the sorrows but there were many to join those little moments of happiness which kept me going. The people who I had met along this independent journey were amazing human beings and they still are part of my life. Though these people have kept me happy along these years, the inner me feels the happiest when a random stranger makes me smile. It just shows that the world full of love which I have been looking for, was all the time beside me.I have lost count of the number of times, I have relied on a baby’s smile or a stranger’s friendly gesture to make me forget about the slightest bit of unwanted tension I have from time to time.

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I have heard a friend of mine, while he was drunk was praising my ability of not being shy to start a conversation. His statement was very random but it made me think about why he made this a big deal. I am predominantly a shy person. All that memories from early teenage was all about the laid back attitude and I am pretty amazed myself to see how much I have changed over time to be that outgoing, happy and confident person who I am now. It was the people around me that had changed me and not myself. For every stage in life there were people to make sure that we did adapt to behave for our respective age. Now I realize that I am also part of some individual’s life which makes me more cautious about way I behave. I am not that person who says “Why should I care? I don’t even know him”. If I have any regrets in life, it was when I tried to be that irresponsible person with a don’t care attitude.

By writing this article, I have just given myself proof that I have some hidden sorrow which I am not aware of. I am 24 years old now and to be honest, I am now tired of being the same person over and over again. My life looks the same everyday even though the people and the places change. Whatever I put a start to, ends nowhere and I feel lost. Don’t know if I am making the same mistakes again or doing things right every single time. Every person has a stage in life when he questions himself. I am not looking for any words of encouragement. Hope in due time, it all makes sense.